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New SGA Fic!

Posted on 07-Apr-05 at 11:29.
mood: weirdweird
My SGA fic, it is done. Finished. I think. One of us is finished. I'm fairly certain it's the fic. And whoa, two parts! I guess it was kind of long.

Anyway, big thanks to mmmchelle for the hand-holding and encouragement and the beta and hand-holding. ::hugs::

We All Arrive By Different Streets, Part 1


Rodney paced the length of the small, windowless cell, rapping his knuckles on the single clear wall--polycarbonate, probably, maybe reinforced with a clear coating. Unbreakable.

John was going to return, of course. Rodney had no watch, but surely they had had him for hours at this point. Questioning him, although they had both told the truth, over and over again, since their capture. What more was left to say when your captors refused to believe you?

Rodney's stomach growled. He was hungry, and the crap they called food here was hardly edible.

His mind circled round and round. John was never going to return. John would be back any minute. John had escaped. Rodney couldn't slow his brain down, couldn't make those thoughts go away, especially those vivid ones of John being tortured and killed. He was most certainly going to be next. It was all going to end here, for both of them, in this indistinct little cell on an unremarkable little world in the Pegasus galaxy, by humans who somehow believed they were the enemy.

Rodney eyed the half-empty tray of food. What the hell, he might as well eat it, no sense saving it. No sense in dying on an empty stomach. Then he froze, as a sound carried down the hallway--a door opening, and heavy, scuffling footsteps.

"What's the hurry? Why are you pushing me?"

John's voice.

The words were strangely slurred, but Rodney's knees went weak--John was okay, he was alive, they hadn't killed him, thank god. They might just get out of this alive after all. "Major," he shouted, dashing up to the clear wall, trying to catch a glimpse of him.

And there John was, handcuffed, swaying in front of the door as the soldiers unlocked it. "Rodney," he exclaimed, grinning stupidly. "Hi." He shrugged a shoulder as if trying to lift an arm--to wave, probably.

"Oh, thank god," Rodney breathed, taking in John's appearance. He appeared to be unharmed--no new bruises, all body parts seemingly intact, nothing bloody or bleeding. Just oddly unsteady, hair more ruffled than usual, but before he could ponder that any further the door opened, and the soldiers immediately pointed their rifles at Rodney. "Oh right, like I'm going to make a run for it," Rodney said. "What did you do to him?"

"He'll be fine," one soldier told him.

John's face grew vague and unfocused as the guards uncuffed him. "Thank you," he nodded. "You're too kind. No really, you are."

The guards silently pushed him into the cell and he fell against Rodney. Rodney grabbed onto him, trying to hold him upright. His body was relaxed, and felt nicely warm, in contrast to the cold damp cell.

"Bye, Bob," John waved. "Bye Fred. Take care. See you soon. Don't be strangers, okay?"

The waving was too much, throwing them both off balance and against the wall. "Rodney!" John said, as if noticing him for the first time. He slid his arm comfortably around Rodney's waist, leaning against the wall to stay upright.

Rodney had been pulled close enough to notice that John's pupils were completely dilated. "Major, are you drugged?"

John nodded. "I think so." He spoke carefully.

Rodney checked John's arms, which was difficult to do, as he seemed to be tangled up inside of them. But yes, right there, on the inside of John's left elbow, the purplish remains of an injection site.

"Oh, wow," John said, staring at his arm. "I remember that now. It hurt."

A growing surge of anger because damn it, they had nothing to hide, and now the Miellians were sticking needles in John and screwing around with his head. And that wasn't right. "What the hell did they give you? Rodney asked. " Sodium pentathol?"

"Maybe." John tilted his head toward Rodney's, resting a heavy hand on his shoulder. "They wanted to have a talk," he whispered.

"Oh, did they?"

John nodded solemnly.

Despite the situation, Rodney couldn't help but be amused. John seemed to be unharmed, albeit rather endearingly spaced-out. "And did you talk to them?"

John shrugged. "I told them all about surfing, and then football--you know, they don't have football here--the real kind, not that soccer kind." He waved a hand dismissively. "Not either kind. But I don't think that's what they wanted to hear."

"Imagine that," Rodney said. He tried to step back, because John had pulled him up close into personal space territory while trying to remain upright. "Maybe you should sit down before you fall down."

John's arm tightened around Rodney's waist. "Oh, and my favorite movies, too. Told them all about it."

Rodney paused. "Please, not--"

"Yup, 'Back to the Future'. All three of them. In detail. Those were great movies." John grinned. "Admit it, you liked them too."

"Don't get me started, please Major, those movies were wrong in so many ways, I can't even begin--" Rodney stopped, because John's hand was on his ass, and not just resting there, either, but moving, feeling around--almost caressing.

Okay, that was different. "They're just wrong," Rodney finished weakly.

John was still smiling happily at him. "I don't care."

"Your hand is on my ass, by the way," Rodney told him. Clearly, John was stoned; he had no idea what he was doing.

"It's a really great ass."

"I--what?" Rodney didn't know what was weirder, the thought that John didn't know what he was doing, or that John knew exactly what he was doing. Because guys didn't comment on each other's asses, unless they were--

John began to list to one side. Rodney grasped his shoulders. "Why don't we go sit down? We can sit down over here. Just--sit." He pulled John away from the wall and, hand on his shoulders, propelled him toward the lumpy gray mattress.

"Okay," John said, voice cheerful. He stumbled as he walked, bumping against Rodney. "Wow, tired."

"You had a long day," Rodney agreed. "Here, now, lie down, and sleep it off."

"I don't want to sleep." But John sank down onto the mattress just the same. "Sit with me."

"Where else would I go?" Rodney knelt beside him. "Although, are you hungry? I saved you some food--just bread, and some not-too-disgusting meat. You should probably eat--are you thirsty?"

John licked his lips. "Water would be good," he said. "My mouth is kind of dry."

Rodney slid out from under the hand that had wandered onto his knee, retrieved the beaten metal cup and filled it with water. John sat up and swallowed it in one gulp.

"Thank you," John grinned again, that utterly dopey, face-splitting grin.

"You're welcome." Rodney sat beside him on the mattress. John was completed spaced out, and incredibly earnest. Rodney had to resist the urge to pat John's head. Granted, all that fondling was a little unnerving, but it probably just John's warm, friendly nature coming through. Rodney decided patting John's shoulder would do instead. "Thank god you're all right," he said gruffly.

"You were worried about me." The fact seemed to make John happy.

"Of course I was worried about you," Rodney said, leaning back against the rough wall. Such a relief to have John with him again, unharmed. It made their situation feel that much less hopeless. Of course they were going to find a way out, as soon as John recovered. "Now lie down and go to sleep."

Surprisingly agreeable, John obeyed, lying flat on the lumpy mattress, his head next to Rodney's hip. "I like you, too, Rodney."

"That's good to know."

John gazed up at him thoughtfully. "You know what else? I'd totally do you."

"What?" There was something wrong with his hearing now, because Rodney thought he heard John say--

Nodding, John continued, "I'd blow you. Funny, you're really not my type, you shouldn't be so hot and yet you are." He frowned. "I don't get it."

Rodney stared. "Really? You're--"

"Really. I mean--not that you aren't good-looking--and you have a great ass--but usually I get all worked up over more athletic types, you know?" John closed his eyes.

Rodney stared, speechless.

"I'd let you fuck me." John lazily reached over, patting Rodney's thigh. "I'll bet you're really hung. But straight. Not like me. I'm crooked. More than crooked." His voice was slurred even more. "...all wrong, isn't it?" A moment later, his breathing grew deep and regular.

Rodney sat, staring in astonishment. John was gay. Or bi. Or whatever. He hadn't known that, hadn't even suspected. John liked guys. Like to have sex with guys. Which was a shock, sure. But even more shocking--John thought he was hot.


Rodney's eyes snapped open at the sound of gunfire. He had been half-dozing, still leaning against the wall. He looked over to see that John was still asleep, curled under the blanket Rodney had pulled over him.

"Major," Rodney said, a hand on John's shoulder. "Ow," he winced. Crap, his neck and shoulders were stiff from the cold wall.

John's eyes opened. "Huh?"

No longer dilated, Rodney was relieved to see. "Time to go."

John sat up, disoriented. "Rodney? What happened? How did I get back here?"

Hair ruffled, expression dazed--John didn't look any different to him. Funny, Rodney always thought he could tell if someone was gay. John was gay. John still looked like John.

John thought he was hot.

"You don't remember?" Rodney asked. "The drugs?"

"What, I went to a party?"

Exasperated, Rodney said, "Yes, Major, there was a wild party here last night."

There was another clatter of gunfire. Instantly alert, John rose to his feet. "That's a P90. Ford?"

"I hope so."

They both went to for the clear wall, leaning against it, trying to see down the dark, featureless corridor. "The guard is gone," John commented. "Man, my head hurts. They drugged me? What the hell did they give me?"

Rodney shook his head. "I don't know. You were pretty loopy when they brought you back. I assume they were trying once again to extract the truth, I suppose. Interesting, since these idiots obviously wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked them in the face."

John pressed his forehead to the wall. "I wonder what I told them."

"Something about movies, apparently."

John raised his eyebrows, but before he could respond they heard an unseen door swing open, thumping against the opposite wall. Ford appeared, trotting easily down the hallway toward them, gun in hand, followed in a moment by Teyla. "I got 'em," he said into his radio. "Major, Dr. McKay--you guys all right?"

"We're fine, Ford. Just get us out of here," John said.

Ford eyed the cell door, then grinned. He reached into his vest, pulling out a package that Rodney recognized as C4. "I'll have you guys out in a jiffy," he said. "Stand back."

Rodney was more than happy to let Ford do his thing.


Rodney watched Carson prepare to draw John's blood, despite the fact he hated watching such a thing, because it was better than watching John's mouth, which had become all too fascinating. But then the needle slid into John's arm and Rodney felt a little faint, and he had to look away, back up to John's mouth. And lips. John had surprisingly nice lips. They looked--soft.

"So his pupils were dilated, and he was rattling on, you say?" Carson asked.

"What? Um, yes, yes, he was. Rambling. Nonsense, mostly." Rodney was sure it had all been nonsense, John had been under the influence of some drug. Not necessarily a truth serum. He knew that such things didn't really exist, on Earth at least. Although, he was pretty sure the mode of action was in reducing the person's inhibitions, and if that was what John was like when he was uninhibited--

"I don't remember any of it. Just the injection, and then--" John shook his head. "Nothing. So, Rodney, did I give away my darkest secrets?" he asked, in a manner that Rodney thought might have been overly casual.

"Oh, yes, absolutely," Rodney told him. "You apparently really do think that the technology in "Back to the Future" would work. Truly shameful."

"You mean it couldn't?"

Rodney scowled. "Major," he began.

"Okay, okay," Carson broke in. "We'll see what we can piece together from the breakdown products, if there are any left in your system, Major. You appear to be fine, pressure normal, heart rate--I'm not seeing any ill effects."

"That's good to hear." They all turned to see Elizabeth had entered the exam area, with Bates trailing close behind.

"How are you feeling, Sir?" Bates asked.

"Just a little tired, thank you."

Bates was athletic. Rodney wondered if Bates was John's type. He wondered if John ever looked at Bates in that way, if he had ever noticed Bates' ass. As he had apparently noticed Rodney's. Rodney had never noticed John looking at him in that way, but then again, John was always looking at him in some way or another. John had a response to everything single damn thing he said, so John certainly seemed to notice him. It was flattering.

Rodney's head began to ache.

"So, I gather we can cross the Miellians off the 'possible allies' list," Elizabeth was saying, as John nodded. "It's a shame, they seem to have an interesting level of technology." She looked at Rodney expectantly.

"Circa early 1950's, from what I could see," he said. "Being in a constant state of civil war seems to have accelerated their development. Listen, I'm really tired--Carson, if you're through with me?"

Carson waved him off. "Go, rest, Rodney." He pointed to John. "As for you, Major, I'm keeping you overnight for observation."

John looked disappointed, but Rodney hopped down from the table, glad to make his escape. He had a lot to think about.


"Here," Rodney pointed. "This is the area we explored yesterday." He waved a finger over the outline of the north pier.

"What did you learn?" Elizabeth asked.

"That there are a lot of stairs in that area." It had been a long day.

"Find out anything good?" John frowned as he paged through the report on his laptop.

"Knowledge," Rodney said, folding his arms against his chest, "is neither inherently good nor bad. It simply is."

They stared at him with puzzled expressions, brows furrowed almost identically.

"Well, it's true," Rodney continued. He turned back to the city schematic.

It was true. But, still, knowledge changed things.

It had changed him.

Knowing that John had been thinking about him, that John thought he was hot, that John liked his ass--that John wanted Rodney to fuck him, for god's sake--intrigued him. Rodney wasn't gay, at least he hadn't ever met a guy he wanted to get intimate with, but John--John was different. John was fun. John seemed to make life a little more interesting by just being around.

Maybe it didn't exactly change Rodney. Perhaps it made him more aware of something that had been lurking in the corners of his mind all along. Something that had been brought to the forefront now. Something that made Rodney take his dick into his own hands at night, and instead of thinking of shapely blonde beauties, the person who came to mind had dark, messy hair and a cocky smile, broad shoulders and no curves whatsoever.

John had believed Rodney was straight. John needed to know that he was mistaken, and it was up to Rodney to step him, well--straight.

"What about the room you describe here, on the lower level?" John asked, pointing to his screen.

"Which?" Rodney leaned over his shoulder. "I have no idea. It's strangely configured, with these--alleys, it looked like, but we couldn't activate any of the control panels, or translate any of the symbols."

"No?" asked Elizabeth.

"It was only a sweep," Rodney explained defensively. "No time for a thorough examination. So many rooms, so little time--"

"Maybe I should check it out." John turned to him, face close to Rodney's, so close that Rodney needed only to lean forward and their lips would meet.

Flushed, Rodney straightened. "I have nothing planned for this evening."

"Great." John rose. "It's me and you, then." He looked to Elizabeth, who nodded.

"Just be careful, gentlemen."


"I'm thinking....miniature golf." John peered down the lanes. "See, this is the loop-the-loop, right here, and over there, that is like the pyramid course, you hit the ball inside of it and you don't know which spout the ball is going to pop out of."

"Of course, Major," Rodney said. "I should have known. Thank you."

"See, that's why you need me around. To explain these things to you." John nodded, looking exceptionally proud.

Hell, for all Rodney knew, John could be right. The odd setup had easy, sloping curves, with complicated-looking *things* every here and there, and it wasn't too hard to imagine a golf ball popping out of one of them. The large room was authentically pleasing to look at, done up in blues and greens, in contrast to the golden tones of the areas they currently inhabited. Rodney found the room soothing, aside from the fact that John was in it, leaping around onto the various platforms, looking inside the openings. Watching John move was anything but soothing.

In a good way.

"You know, Rodney," John called out, "This could give us a whole new level of entertainment here in the city. We could make teams, and have a tournament."

"Would be a nice change of pace from all the poker games," Rodney agreed, watching as John mimicked a golf swing, body curving gracefully.

"That's just because you're a lousy poker player." John grinned at him.

"I am not." John did have a cute grin; one might almost call it boyish. Rodney thought he might be playful in bed--he would tease a lot, but then, after things heated up, he would get intense. Rodney had seen John get intense, while on missions, and he wondered what it would be like to be the focus of all that intensity.

"Yes, you are. I can always tell what you are thinking." John jumped off the platform and approached him, with a bit of a smirk.

"Really? You think so?" The room suddenly seemed warm, too warm, and Rodney felt a flicker of excitement.

"So where's this control panel?"

Disappointed, Rodney's shoulders slumped. No, John had no idea what he was thinking, damn it. "It's right here," he said, leading John to the wall. "Radek was pretty sure this is the access to all the power conduits for whatever it is that this room is."

John raised his brows. "Radek?"

"Radek. Radek Zelenka. You know, little guy, glasses?" Rodney circled his finger round.

"You mean the Czech guy whose name you could never remember?" John asked.

"That's the one." Rodney slid back the covering. If he really let his imagination run away with itself, he might think John was jealous. He'd always had a vivid imagination. "Here, now just touch right along--"

John placed his hand on the panel, surprisingly delicate-looking hands, long fingered and neat. Rodney watched as he practically stroked the damn thing--had John always done that with Ancient technology?

The panel lit up with a low hum. "That's great, that's great--what is it doing?" Rodney asked, excited.

John shrugged, looking around the room. "I don't know, it's not doing anything yet, I--" A low rumble began, growing louder, and John's eyes widened. "Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."

The rumble became a gentle roar, and Rodney grabbed John's arm in a panic, wondering what in hell they had set off. "Not good, not good at all." He didn't want to have to explain to Elizabeth how they had blown up the entire north side of the city.

Then water began streaming out of the things, the big contorted things, spraying up into the air in graceful arcs. The lanes filled with flowing water, and Rodney burst out laughing. "Baths?"


Rodney indicated at the control panel. "Look at the display now--it's a temperature gauge."

"It is?" John looked around the room, then back at Rodney. "I think you're right. Baths," he said, his voice echoing the disbelief in his eyes.

"More fun than miniature golf," Rodney told him. "Although, not much use against the wraith. Unless we can bathe them to death."

"Well, they are pretty grubby," John said, as if Rodney was on to something.

Rodney radio clicked, and he tapped it, activating it. "McKay here."

Grodin's voice came through. "What the hell are you guys doing? You're pulling a lot of power from the system."

"Sorry--we just activated a room full of pools. Uh, listen, I'll explain later." He clicked off his radio, and said to John, "Power drain. We have to shut it down."

With a disappointed sigh, John waved his hand over the panel, and the room grew quiet. "Too bad. It could have been a lot of fun. I'll bet they had whirlpools and everything"

Something in John's tone made Rodney's heart quicken. It sounded dark, and a little sexy. He took a deep breath. "Major, there's something I need to say to you."

"Really? What?" John sounded unconcerned as he watched the last of the water drain away.

"It's about sex."

"Rodney, you still have questions about the birds and bees? Well, you came to the right guy." John grinned as he returned his attention to the panel, scrolling through the remaining display.

"No, no, no, please--what I'm trying to say is, that if you wanted to, with me," Rodney said, his face growing hot. "If you wanted to have sex with me, I'd like that."

John's hand stilled, his shoulders stiffening. "Rodney, you're a guy," he said quietly.

"So I've noticed."

"What makes you think I'd want to have sex with another guy?" John's voice had gone cool. "I'm not gay."

Puzzled, Rodney said, "But that's not what you told me."

"Told you? When?"

"In the cell. When you were under the influence of that stuff."

"Fuck." John pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead, closing his eyes. "What exactly did I say?"

Not going well, not going well at all. "You said you wanted me," Rodney explained. "Specifically, that you wanted to have sex with me."

"Hey, when I asked, you said I was stoned," John accused. "That I wasn't making sense."

"Well, of course--what heck was I supposed to say? We were in the infirmary, everyone was all around, what, should I have said yes, John, you told me all your darkest secrets, especially the one about being gay?"

"And now you tell me this?" Eyes narrowed, anger radiating out in waves--so not going the way Rodney had planned.

"I couldn't exactly bring it up in casual conversation. Oh, by the way, about that gay thing--"

John shook his head, holding his hands up, stopping Rodney's flow of words. "Just what exactly did I say?"

"Forget it. It not important now." This was always how it went, Rodney thought. He'd think someone was interested, but then he'd bring it up, and get shot down. Every single time. "Listen, I didn't think you were making it up. You sounded like it was what you really wanted, but clearly, it's not. Just forget I said anything."

John pushed himself away from the console, agitated. "I can't forget it. Just tell me what I said."

"That you liked me. You said you suspected I was really hung. Which I am, by the way. And that you wanted me to fuck you." Rodney's cheeks were burning. "And I think there was something about a blowjob in there, too."

John looked mortified. "I said all that?"

"Would I make something like that up?" Rodney hated the way his voice climbed in register. "Did you mean what you said or not? I thought there was something between us, some kind of spark--I feel it, maybe you don't, and that's fine, but if you don't, then why did you say to me what you said?"

"You are straight, aren't you?" John asked.

Rodney shrugged. "I had thought so, but now, no, not so much."

John stared. "Oh, so it's that easy for you? You want to flip a switch--hey, I'm gay now?"

Rodney didn't care to explain, not now. "Just tell me if you meant any of it."

"Listen," John said, "maybe I do, but the fact of the matter is, I am the ranking military officer here, and I am not about to engage in an inappropriate sexual relationship." John spoke the words as if he were reciting them, as if it were something that had been told to him, maybe more than once.

"Inappropriate relationship? You mean just because I'm a scientist, and you're military, you think it's inappropriate?"

"Jesus, Rodney," John shook his head in disbelief. "For a guy who is supposedly brilliant--"

Realization dawned. "Oh, you mean because we're guys? Because you're buying into that whole 'don't ask, don't tell' thing even though we are millions of light-years from Earth?"

John pointed a finger at him. "Bingo."

Anger flared up, sharp and bright, blotting out the disappointment. "So in other words, even though you're interested, you won't do anything about it. Thank you," Rodney sneered. "That's a whole new realm of rejection for me. Usually, they can't stand me, and you know, I can take that kind of rejection. But wanting me and still rejecting me? That's just great. I can get rejected by both genders now. This is not an improvement."

"Rodney," John said, "For god's sake, how can you be so sure about being gay?"

Rodney raised his hands in despair. "How the hell am I supposed to know now? I like you; I want to have sex with you. I'm thinking, yeah, gay. Or I could be, if you'd give me the chance to figure it out."

"Okay, fine." John approached Rodney, crowding him. "You want to figure it all out?" His face grew dark and eyes were cold and hard. This wasn't John, Rodney thought, not the John he knew, the man with the easy smile and playful demeanor. Rodney backed away, heart beating fast, stumbling over his own feet and then his back was against the wall. John reached out and grabbed his crotch, stroking roughly. "Do you like this?"

"Um--" Christ, he was getting hard already.

John smirked, and it wasn't pleasant or charming at all. "You do like it." He curled his fingers around the length of Rodney's thickening cock, squeezing. "Maybe you are gay. Good for you. So, I offered you a blowjob?"

Shocked, Rodney watched John sink down to his knees in front of him, hands busily unfastening Rodney's trousers. "John? This isn't--please," Rodney said weakly. All the air seemed to rush out of the room as John mouthed his cock through his briefs.

"You said this is what you wanted," John told him, pulling on the waistband.

"For god's sake, John." Rodney pulled John's hand away and crouched down. "Don't you understand? It's not about my dick. It's more than that." Rodney took John's face in his hands, pulled him close and kissed him.

John froze and Rodney was afraid he would pull away. Rodney had had enough of that, enough of the no's and the rejection and damn it, he was going to get what *he* wanted now. But then John started kissing him back, his mouth wild and wonderful and desperate. Rodney couldn't breathe, he couldn't think anymore, he just hung onto to John and kissed him. This was what they should have been doing all along, from the very start, from the first moment they met.

John jerked his head away, breathing heavily.

"What?" Rodney asked, reaching for him, cupping a hand around his neck. "What? Why'd you stop?"

"I can't do this," John said, sitting back and pushing himself away, looking for all the world as if Rodney had struck him. "This is not right."

"What do you mean you can't do it? We were just doing it, why can't you do it?"

"Stop. Just shut up, okay?" But John looked more scared than angry as he scrambled to his feet. "I-I have to go now." He continued backing away. "Please."

Rodney sat, his chest growing tight as John turned and trotted out of the room. The echo of footsteps, then a whoosh of a door opening, and the only sound was of water dripping from the drained pools. He didn't have the energy to stand, barely had the energy to think, even, to wonder why this was all so difficult, when it shouldn't be.

He sat for a long time.


"Ah," Radek said, waggling a finger excitedly. "Baths. That makes sense, with the way the power is set up, is thermostatically controlled." He leaned back in his chair, nodding. "Another mystery, solved."

Elizabeth seemed amused. "It sounds lovely."

"And yet," Rodney said, "A complete and utter power sink."

John was nodding, looking down at his hands, which were clasped on top of the table. He hadn't met Rodney's eyes once, during the entire meeting.

"Well, Rodney, if we get our hands on a couple of ZPMs, we'd be in business, right?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course. It will be something to look forward to."

Elizabeth looked at John, as if expecting a rejoinder of some kind. When none was forthcoming, she added, "I'm sure we will. In the meanwhile, Rodney, continue today with your team, on the sweep of the north end of the city. Major, you were flying supplies to the mainland today?"

John nodded. "Teyla and I were going to go."

"Good," Elizabeth said. "Dismissed."

Rodney lingered as the group filed out, paging through his half-finished report. When he closed down his computer, he realized John had moved to the chair beside him. And was looking at him, for a change.

"Yes, Major, is there something I can do for you? Other than 'shut up'?" Rodney asked.

John looked stung. "All right, I deserved that," he admitted. "Listen, about last night--I'm sorry. I'm just--I just can't be the person you want me to be, okay?"

Rodney scowled. "You are who you are, John." It still rankled though. Rejection--Rodney thought he should be used to it by now, and damn it, he knew John wanted him and that made it all the worse. "But I just don't get it. You know, I haven't even had sex with a man yet and I still think I'm more comfortable with being gay than you are. What's so hard about being with someone? Why hold back?"

John's face fell and he looked a way, tapping his fingers on the table. Rodney moved to rise from his chair but John suddenly turned back to him, grabbing his arm. "Seventeen years," John said. "I've been military for over seventeen years. You try that and tell me how easy it all is."

"Your father was military too, wasn't he?" Rodney suddenly remembered.

John released Rodney's arm abruptly and rose from his seat.

"John, you can't keep running from yourself. That's no way to live." Rodney didn't like seeing that look on John's face, so much pain revealed. "You can't be happy like this."

John paused. "Some advice, Rodney," he said, turning to face him. "Do us all a favor skip the pop psychology and stick to physics, okay? You're much better at it." With that, he left the room.

Closing his eyes, Rodney sighed. "You're right, I am, aren't I?"

When he opened his eyes, Teyla was peering into the room, gazing at him curiously. "And what exactly are you, Doctor?"

"A brilliant physicist."

Teyla nodded, amused. "So I've heard. I just wanted to remind you, about sparring tomorrow afternoon?"

Crap. He had forgotten. "If you insist."

"Actually, I do," she confirmed. "As does the Major."

"Great. I'll be there, then." Rodney rose, and hurried after Radek.


Go to Part 2


tafkarfanfic at 2005-04-08 05:58 (UTC) (Link)
the fact of the matter is, I am the ranking military officer here, and I am not about to engage in an inappropriate sexual relationship.
Boy. I'm glad someone did this. Because - y'know - it's a valid take on the character interaction.
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-08 13:14 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, and I really don't touch on it again in the fic. *g* So much for that. For me, it resonates very strongly as a Jack thing, which is probably why I'm not keen on exploring it in SGA. It's part of what's driving Sheppard's behavior here, but not entirely.
bee86 at 2005-04-08 06:06 (UTC) (Link)
This is an awesome story so far. I can't wait til you post the second part. *waits semi-patiently*
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-08 13:14 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! And oh god, what a fabulous icon. ::snuggles icon:: So cute!
bee86 at 2005-04-08 14:52 (UTC) (Link)
Thanx. :)
spacedmonkey at 2005-04-08 14:53 (UTC) (Link)
Love it! (not one for long comments, sorry)
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-10 00:46 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked. And no need to apologize. *g*
pionie at 2005-04-08 15:51 (UTC) (Link)
The section where Rodney is reminding John what he'd said is brilliant. I could really feel Rodney's humiliation. I can't wait to read part 2!
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-10 00:48 (UTC) (Link)
Yay, I'm glad that worked! I must have rewritten that scene a million times. It didn't even make sense in my own head after a while.

Thank you. *g*
agentotter at 2005-04-08 18:09 (UTC) (Link)
You are so cool. The words to describe how cool you are? Have not yet been invented. They'll probably be along the lines of "zipanoid" or "posisupertrans" or something like that.
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-10 00:49 (UTC) (Link)
I like those words. Especially zipanoid. That's an excellent one.

And you are so adorable.
Time Is Like A Kiss
jenlev at 2005-04-08 23:58 (UTC) (Link)
i love how you peel back the layers and show aspects of john's personality that are not easy or light. but are real, vital, and full of grit.

*dashes off to read part two*
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-10 00:50 (UTC) (Link)
I used to think John was all fluff.

Then I changed my mind. Or rather, he changed my mind for me. It was a pleasant surprise.

And I'm so looking forward to Season two. *g*
Time Is Like A Kiss
jenlev at 2005-04-10 16:01 (UTC) (Link)
i'm hoping they say more about his backstory...although they should let you write it.

the gravity of his response to their circumstances is nice to see. not all snark, layers of expectable responses to extreme situations.

is it july yet? *bg*
kalikahuntress at 2005-04-09 01:47 (UTC) (Link)
Im reading stories from several fandoms and right now your stories are the one's im rereading over and over again. Just wanted to say that and now on to the fb:

I love how you've realistically show what a dilemma John is in right now. Sure he will disobey orders when his gut tells him he has too but he's still military and that shows in the fic.
And you have me totally believing that Rodney could easily accept his newfound gayness after he thinks it through 'cause that's Rodney.He likes getting over the top hysterical sometimes but he's a very rational person.

The confrontation scene in the bath rooms was so very fucking hot, i mean guuhhh..., i can totally see John getting all intense and scary-like which is very hot. Its always the cheerful friendly one's that shock you when they loose control and i love how that gets shown form Rodney's point of view when he notices how not very nice Johns' smirk was.

Oh and stoned John and so-not-prepared-for-stoned-John Rodney is so very cute and hot:)

There are tons of little things I love about this but i can't get into bcse so very little time. Anyway, i am off to reread the next part!!
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-11 12:55 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! *g* Your feedback really made me smile. I'm so glad John's conflicts were believable, and Rodney's acceptance, too. I can't see Rodney getting worked up over the gay thing, because I'm sure he's always felt like he was different from everyone else, anyway. And I suspect he's not all that concerned with what other people think.

I glad you liked this. Thank you!
simonesa at 2005-04-11 23:00 (UTC) (Link)
And I suspect he's not all that concerned with what other people think.

Exactly! I totally agree. About how he looks physically or his neurotic tendencies!
Ridiculously Fanatic
nel_ani at 2005-04-09 16:35 (UTC) (Link)
Ooooooooooooh. Man. I don't know what to say. This was so good. Really a new take (in this fandom at least) and very refreshing as sometimes it feels like the fics being written in fandom is just a new version of the same theme.

*goes to read part 2*
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-11 12:56 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad this worked for you.

I'm finally coming around to the idea that John actually does have a dark side. He was all cute and fluffy in the beginning of the show, wasn't he?
Ridiculously Fanatic
nel_ani at 2005-04-11 19:42 (UTC) (Link)
I'm finally coming around to the idea that John actually does have a dark side. He was all cute and fluffy in the beginning of the show, wasn't he?

It sure seems that way, comparing his interaction with Steve and Bob. But then, there was more pressure involved with Bob.
tinnny at 2005-04-09 22:58 (UTC) (Link)
I'm just leaving the typo comment here, the real feedback after part two, ok?

and it was up to Rodney to step him, well--straight.

he just hung onto to John and kissed him.
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-11 12:57 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you--I really appreciate the heads up with the typos. Those damn things sneak past no matter what.
simonesa at 2005-04-11 22:57 (UTC) (Link)
Freaking great! There is nothing that I don't love about this fic. I even like hints about background. Since the show has given us next to nothing about who these guys are and where they come from.
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-04-14 23:23 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked. And you know, I 'm so hoping for some backstory on Sheppard next season. He's such a man of mystery right now.

Of course, I'm also hoping for some boy-kissing next season, too. Well, a girl can always dream, can't she? *g*
sheron at 2005-04-23 07:19 (UTC) (Link)
Rodney raised his hands in despair. "How the hell am I supposed to know now? I like you; I want to have sex with you. I'm thinking, yeah, gay. Or I could be, if you'd give me the chance to figure it out."

Haha, that's just so Rodney. *shakes her head in amusement*
Fandom: karass or granfalloon. Discuss.
sherrold at 2005-05-13 13:58 (UTC) (Link)

I just adore this story!

I love Rodney's willingness to think about the possibility seriously, and immediately decide to try it out -- and John's resistance (what are you now, gay?)If it's been a big source of stress and regret in his life, it makes sense that he'd be so freaked Rodney could just say, 'WTF, let's try it'!

Tiny typo:

Rodney['s] radio clicked
out_there at 2005-06-02 08:43 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I really enjoyed that. I loved the way you handled both Rodney and John, and it feels... real. Right. Possible.

And the kissing scene was *really* hot. *g*
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-06-02 17:03 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! I'm glad the characterization sounds right. And oh, I do with this sort of thing was possible on the show. *g*
daredevil muffin-y genius
monanotlisa at 2005-09-14 15:13 (UTC) (Link)
Ohh, I like this!

::goes to look for Part II::

Thank you!
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-09-15 17:24 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying this.
daredevil muffin-y genius
monanotlisa at 2005-09-15 17:33 (UTC) (Link)
Quite HELL, YES!

0 :-)
narutootaku at 2005-10-21 21:38 (UTC) (Link)

Really good I really liked it

Really good I really liked it
thegrrrl2002 at 2005-10-26 16:05 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Really good I really liked it

Thank you!
daredevil muffin-y genius
monanotlisa at 2006-03-21 01:55 (UTC) (Link)
Browsing through rec pages, and oh --

I like this, sweetie. & :-) A lot.
thegrrrl2002 at 2006-03-21 02:14 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! That makes me happy. *g*
singing_witch at 2010-09-15 16:22 (UTC) (Link)
I like that john is the indecisive one for once. Usually Rodney is all freaked over being attracted to guys or they are both freaked about being kicked out of Atlantis. Having John be the only one against it is a refreshing change from the norm! Oh, and I added this to my memories, if you don't mind.
thegrrrl2002 at 2010-09-15 16:34 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. I wrote this so early in the run, only the first season had aired, so John's great big crush on Rodney hadn't become obvious yet. *g*
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